A snape point of view story
by Alpha.a7
Summary: Snape ALWAYS wanted to tell her how much he loved her and when he had a chance, he ruined it up.


Sometimes there are moments for them you have been waiting your whole life but when they come you just want to leave and run. You plan them all your life but when they come you ruin them up. Completely and terribly.

Snape's life has never been easy. Life has always been unfair on him but he faced almost everything without breaking down. Almost everything. Almost.

He could not face this. Not without breaking down. He has always dreamed of this moment, has always planned this moment, how he will say something and she will reply and he will smile and she will embrace him. But this was not going the way he planned. Not at all.

Here she was, in front of him, as beautiful as ever with her fire kissed hair pulled back in a pony tail, few strand escaping and all over her face- only god knows how much he wanted to tuck those strands behind her ears-and with her beautiful big bright green eyes which speak of so kindness and innocence and that delicate nose and those tender lips he always wanted to taste. She was so beautiful and so so kind. He can spend the rest of his life lost in her beauty;he can spend his whole life explaining her kindness and he can devout his this life and if there's a life after that and even after that loving her. But here she was and he could not even touch her. Because she was not his to touch.

"Severus " she says gently, always gently. "What happened? Why did you call me here?What do you want to talk about?"

"Did you always love Potter?" he asked before his brain could even proceed what he was saying. He did not mean to say this. He regretted his words as soon as they came out but again he regretted many things.

"What?"she asked, completely shocked.

There was no going back now. Once said always said, so he asked again -shocked how levelled his voice sounded "Do you love Potter?"

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" she replied.

"Are you, lily Evans, in love with ,James Potter?"

She did not reply for a moment but when she did he knew that she meant it, That Lily has really fallen in love with James potter.

"Yes, I am."

"Then why were you acting all long that you hated him, huh?Why all that acting?Why?" he shouted and was himself terrified of his own anger.

"Acting?"her voice echoed."You think I was acting, Severus?"She asked and laughed silently, so silently. "I was not acting Severus. I was lying to myself. Do you remember Sev, when we were small you told me I have a habit of lying to myself?"

"You did not admit it" he said.

"I did not but you were correct Severus. You were correct. I have always been lying to myself. I always liked James and I don't know exactly when I fell in love with him but I did. Under his pretended arrogance, I could see his kindness , I could that loyal person who took detention just to be with his friends , I could see a vulnerable person who needed a shoulder to rest on. I could see him and he could see me"

He could not help the mockery out of his tone and said "Oh! yeah! I forgot. He's your soul mate!SOUL MATE! Your patronuses matches each other, don't they? You compliment each other. Meant to be together"

"I understand Sev that you do not like James-"

"I hate james" he said

"-but there is no need to be so angry. He loves me, Sev. I will be happy with him" she said.

"Happy? Lily, you can't! He's just an arrogant obnoxious self obsessed rat."

"Yes I can and don't say that. You do not know him, there are many sides to a story. What is it with you! I do not understand the reasons of your anger. Why are YOU so angry?" she snapped

" Oh no, my bad! I keep on forgetting that you are meant to be." he said with voice so cold and venomous that she flinched. She had tears in her eyes.

"It's not my fault that our patronuses matches. That we compliment each other. That he loves him and I love him back. And you, severus snape, as a friend of mine, should be anything but angry."she told him.

"I never thought how shallow you can be! You are the most self centered person,Lily. Have you ever for a moment thought how all the things you do affect me? Do you even think about me? That I may also have feelings and you are hurting them? Do you? Have you,Lily?Ever?" he said, even though he did not want to. He knew he was hurting her and she was nothing like that but there was no other way he could explain. He hated himself for hurting her.

The tears she had been holding back finally ran down her cheeck. She was definitely hurt but her voice was deadly calm "Severus, I do think of you. But I really don't understand how my falling in love with James hurt you?"she asked.

"How can you be so blind?Honestly, you can't see Lily? Because I love you, lily, I love you. I always have and I always will. I love you since I met you. You were the one who made me realize that I loved you. Remember when we were small and I used to admire your abilities and you used to say 'Stop falling in love with me', remember? I loved you then and I never stopped."

Her face ashened. She was completely out of words. Can she really be so blind? Can she really not tell how much he loved her? She was silent for such a long time that he thought she was not going to say anything but then she only said " **After all this time?** "

" **Always.** "

More tears ran down her cheeks but she did not bother to wipe them. "I am so sorry Severus" She said."I was so blind. I could not see anything. I am so very much sorry . This explains everything. Everything but how can you think I will love you if you joined death eaters? May be I would have loved you ,Severus, if not for your death eaters friends. Maybe I could have. Why did you join them? You thought that I will think 'oh-wow-I-love-him-because-he-is-a-servant-of-voldemort'-"

"Dont use his name"he said.

"-but I am afraid Severus, you are wrong I don't love death eaters and their blood prejudice" she continued as if she had not been interrupted "How could you even think I will fall in love with you if you become deatheater?How-" she stopped, unable to continue. Tears were running down her cheecks. Watching her cry was the worst thing. He wanted to comfort her , wanted to tell her how sorry he was but words could not come. Finally he said " I thought-I thought..."

"You thought wrong"She said and turned to walk away when a voice came from the door "Hey Evans!"

It was James potter and Sirius black. They were grinning. " What are you doing here? Is he troubling you?" But seeing the expression on her face thier expressions became serious

"Why are you crying?" James asked.

And even before she could reply he turned towards snape and asked in a deadly serious voice "Why. is. she. crying?"

Before he could reply,"expelliarmus" both james and Sirius shouted together.

Snape's wand rose high in air and sirius caught it.

"Why is she crying?" James shouted again temper rising with each word.

"Leave it, james. Please. Lets go" Lily pleaded

James looked at her then at snape and then back at her and said "Tell me- if he has done anything"he said and looked up at snape with voice deadly cold "I swear his condition will be unrecognisable"

"No, you won't do anything to him" she took his hand and said "Lets go. please, James."

James opened his mouth but did not protest instead his just looked at sirius and nodded-That was the level of understanding between them-and left with Lily. Sirius smirked at snape and then smiled a savage smile.

Gate smashed closed behind James and Lily and inside someone shouted "stupefy" and someone yelled.

 ** _*Hey people, if you didnot like this, I am really sorry but you need to change your freaking choice. And if you liked it, dude you have an amazing choice! yay!! Let's spread love and comment. Well this is my theory of what must have happened and if you dont agree its Ok, okay? Dont spread hate, people. And one more thing you need to know that I am a die-hard James Potter fan and Jily shipper. And I DO NOT HATE SNAPE just because I love James. You get it? good. ;)_**


End file.
